Dear Other Mothers

Dear Other Mothers, aka Veteran Moms who put their kids in school last year and saw that they survived just fine:

You should know something.  Today was an isolated incident.

I promise I’m not crazy. I’m not emotionally unstable. I assure you that you won’t see me stone-faced and stoic, hiding behind my dark sunglasses (in the building!) every day that I drop my daughter off for Pre-School, whilst biting my lip and hoping no one speaks to me so I can escape to my car before I totally lose it.

Today was new. Today was scary. Today, I literally DID have movie-clip type flashbacks to different scenes in her short little life thus far. The night she was born. The way she felt wrapped in a receiving blanket when they laid her in my arms. The days she learned her numbers, (well, after she learned that they did not go, “One-uh, Two-uh, Nine-uh, TENNNNN!!!!” )

Today she faced a brand new adventure with all the bravery and excitement that she should have. As we walked down the hall to her room, I felt her grip tighten around mine and her steps slowed a little bit. Just before her class door, she looked up at me with wide, uncertain eyes. I recognize that look, because I woke up with it on my heart this morning. I fought the temptation to say, “QUICK! Out the side door! Let’s make a run for it!!!!” and instead I smiled into her little green eyes and said, “Are you ready?! This is going to be SO much fun!” Then she hugged me tight, put her little hands on my face and said with all resolve and courage, “Mommy. I’m GOING to miss you. But I’m GOING to have fun. I Lud you. See you later.” And then turned and ran headlong into her new little world.

And as I drove away, (slowly– so that the teary vision wouldn’t cause me to hit another emotionally-wrecked motorist.) I knew that this was just one little step in her big life. I knew she would be fine. I knew she would LOVE school and that school would LOVE HER. And, I knew I’d be back in a few hours. Most importantly, I KNEW that Her Creator was holding her in His capable hands, far better than I ever could. And that a little bit of letting go is 100% necessary to watching HIS PLAN for their lives unfold.

However, if you see me tomorrow, and you think to yourself, “Is that that same crazy mom who looks like she just lost her best friend?”

Just go easy on me. Because, that little, big, ponytailed girl I just dropped off?

She was just a baby, like 5 minutes ago. And I’m going to have to get used to the idea of her being as big as she clearly is. But I’ll get there. Just not tomorrow.