• Start Here
  • Blog
  • Books
  • Table
    • Together at the Table
    • Food and Such
      • Beverages
      • Bread
      • Breakfast
      • Main Dishes
      • Vegetables & Sides
      • Soups
      • Desserts
  • Writing
    • On Family
  • Happy Designs
  • Connect
    • For You
    • Instagram
    • Pinterest
    • Twitter

Happy Go Stuckey

Tethering Grace & Togetherness

Drowning in the Mess of Yes, part 3.

June 1, 2015 by HappyGoStuckey 7 Comments

Today we conclude the series, Drowning in the Mess of Yes. I have been so honored to be sharing these posts over at the WOW Weekly Moment and with all of you. Thanks Jacqueline! 

Want to catch up? Week 1. Week 2.


The One Free Hand Principle.
A few years ago I found myself with an almost three year old and a newborn. I had my hands full. Literally. And I suppose it shouldn’t have come as such a surprise to me when each time, for the past few months, I waddled up to the Target check out line with Lucy in the cart and nearly busting with soon-to-arrive Abby out in front of me—- the associate would raise their eyebrows and say, “Ohh girl. You’re about to have your hands full.”

No, Silly person, I am not— I thought as I smiled and swiped my debit card. I have ONE child in the cart. And yes, I have ONE more child in my gargantuan belly. And yes, that equals two children. But you see, I have TWO hands. One for each of them. Piece of cake.

(Spoiler Alert- I was wrong.) Of course, I soon learned this uncharted territory was not at all about the principle of addition but instead the multiplication that comes from having children, plural. Much of this came from my sweet Lucy never having shared me with anyone before and always having BOTH my hands free to do what she needed. It was quite a juggle with a fussy newborn who always wanted to be held in those early days. And when I couldn’t quite do what she needed, I must have said something like, “OK hon, wait until Mommy has a free hand and then I’ll get you that snack.”

In typical adorable toddler fashion, Lucy started noticing when I did have one free hand and claiming it for herself. We would be walking out the door to the car and I’d have my arms totally slam- full of Abby and Abby-paraphernalia and as I reached to turn the knob or unlock the car door, Lucy would say— “Mommy? Can you carry my baby doll with your one free hand?” Her hands would then be empty of course and mine would be even more full, but being three she didn’t understand or care about anything but that she could fill my otherwise unengaged hand with something she wanted for me to carry for her.

But here’s the thing. We may not blame our toddlers for failing to notice how full our hands are, but adults can be guilty of the very same thing! Sometimes others will notice that you have “one free hand” or this margin that we seek and they will want to help you fill it. Your whitespace may be perfect opportunity for them to pile more on you and thus remove it from their own plate. To some, especially those who don’t see the need for margin, your brave ‘No’ seems foolish to them. It can seem selfish, and no matter how you say No— how graciously, helpfully, kindly—your ‘No’ still disappoints. But that is ok.

Can we all just agree to give each other permission to disappoint one another once in a while? When we truly understand that we are all just striving to seek Christ and bring Glory to God, there is little room to judge one another’s busyness or lack thereof.

 “Do not let the awkward disappointment keep you from the ‘best yes’ appointments with God. —Lysa Terkeurst

Do not be afraid to say no, unless God has given you a yes. This fear of what others will think— our fear of man looks a lot like overcommitment sometimes, but it’s often just plain idolatry. We cannot sacrifice those things we KNOW God has given us to do on the altar of what everyone else thinks we SHOULD be doing.

What should I do with my Margin?
So what do you do with that little window of time once you find it?

  • Put on your own oxygen mask first! What is it that you need more of to be filled? Find what that is and be sure you make it a priority. I knew a wise Southern woman once who would get up early, stay in her room and spend time in the Word before any other human interaction. She said, “If I don’t talk to God first, I sure can’t talk to you!”
  • Seek to determine what your “thing” is. That thing that feeds your soul creatively, painting, running, writing, baking, crafting, reading, or just sitting in quiet. Whatever that thing is, PAY ATTENTION to it. Don’t squelch it out, protesting a lack of time. Know that God created that thing in you. If it thrills you and opens you up to serve Him and others more, He has created you not to ignore that piece of your self. Do not feel selfish for taking time to embrace those things that God has created you to love. Those unique parts of you are what makes you different from everyone else.

The point of all of this life is that we live to love and glorify God. That we love Him and love others, and not spend our lives exhausted from trying to perform. All that we are able to do for Him and for others, needs to come from His strength filling us first.

When we are filled, we have something to give.
When we are dry and exhausted and empty, we have nothing to give. Whether it’s children, or coworkers who need to know Christ’s love, or that person you just passed who could use a little help— we need to be filled so that we can love from the overflow instead of scraping up just enough to get by.

Know this, friends. We are filled to be emptied again.
God gives us the gracious gift of weekends away, afternoons for ourselves, coffee dates, morning hours with Him, walks alone to refresh— He gives us all of that, knowing that it does not last forever— and that we need to be replenished by Him as we are poured out for others.

The steadfast LOVE

I have so enjoyed our time together these last few weeks. I will leave you with a quote from Tsh Oxenreider that I often read as a reminder of why all of this matters so very much.

 “A slower-paced life isn’t just a good idea, or hip, or wishful thinking. It’s essential if we want to have time to be the Body of Christ. If we want to put others first, like Jesus? Then we must. slow. down. It’s the only way we as a Body can survive, thrive, be who we are meant to be in this rapid, rapid world.”  –Tsh Oxenreider

On Birthday Cake and Why You Should Eat It.
Unforgettable… That’s What You Are.

Comments

  1. Linda Baker says

    June 9, 2015 at 10:11 am

    I have enjoyed your series Cynthia, and once again have been blessed by your writing. When Ernie was diagnosed with Multiple Myeloma over five years ago, I was forced to drop everything and concentrate solely on him and fighting the cancer battle with him. It was easy to just withdraw from my many commitments and activities because there was a good reason and everyone realized I was only capable of so much, and all of my time and energy went into caring for my husband and supporting him through the nightmare of treatment, including chemotherapy, radiation, stem cell transplant, physical therapy, surgery and the daily struggles of living with the side effects of his incurable disease. However, as he improved, those temptations to return to my “normal” activities and commitments began to creep in, and I find myself missing the days when it was “him and me against the world”. We had returned to a time when we spent countless hours together, free from the distractions of the world, just concentrating on each other. Life was complicated in one way, but simple at the same time because we had a single focus…dealing with whatever we faced in battling this blood cancer, drawing strength from one another and our faith, with time spent in much prayer. We knew THE LORD is Who we needed first and foremost to deal with this diagnosis, even more than oncologists and medicine. I have found your words to be true:

    “To some, especially those who don’t see the need for margin, your brave ‘No’ seems foolish to them. It can seem selfish, and no matter how you say No— how graciously, helpfully, kindly—your ‘No’ still disappoints. But that is ok.

    Can we all just agree to give each other permission to disappoint one another once in a while? When we truly understand that we are all just striving to seek Christ and bring Glory to God, there is little room to judge one another’s busyness or lack thereof.

    “Do not let the awkward disappointment keep you from the ‘best yes’ appointments with God. —Lysa Terkeurst

    I wish more people understood the difficulties of being a caregiver and a patient when living with an incurable cancer, even when one is in remission, has all their hair, and “appears” to look normal on the outside. We are living a “new normal” and doing the best, with God’s help, that we can to always see the “cup half full”. We try to stay positive, educated on the latest advances in treatment, and active in the lives of those who are closest to us. But all of this doesn’t mean that it isn’t hard dealing with blood cancer. For Ernie, there is extreme fatigue, constant bone pain, an inability to sit comfortably, insomnia, neuropathy, the need to be on narcotics and a daily chemotherapy oral pill, and a knowledge that most people just can’t understand what you are experiencing. You can only hope they: 1) pray for you, 2) trust you will do what you can, and 3) be sensitive and accepting of what you cannot do. The stress of trying to BE everything and DO everything is only harmful to the body, for both the patient and the caregiver. However, even some of our extended family members don’t understand. Your thoughts below are so true, and this week as we turned down an invite, we experienced it firsthand. Thanks for the encouragement!

    “To some, especially those who don’t see the need for margin, your brave ‘No’ seems foolish to them. It can seem selfish, and no matter how you say No— how graciously, helpfully, kindly—your ‘No’ still disappoints. But that is ok.”

    Keep writing girl…you have a gift! Sending you much love from NC!

    Linda

    Reply
    • happygostuckey says

      June 15, 2015 at 4:28 pm

      Linda! These are such good words you shared with me! I love your perspective on this. Love you both and I’m so blessed to know you and to have watched God be Ernie’s continuous healer. Thank you for sharing a little bit of your story here. <3

      Reply
  2. elizabeth959803 says

    June 20, 2015 at 10:38 am

    Cynthia: absolutely, yes. Found you on For Every Mom (a favorite of mine). Your post here goes right along with two favorite mom quotes of mine: 1) “Do the next thing” (Elisabeth Elliot, may she rest in God’s glory); 2) “There is an art of leaving some things undone so that the greater thing can be done” (Jill Briscoe). Blessings to you from one mom of girls to another!

    Reply
    • happygostuckey says

      June 20, 2015 at 3:36 pm

      Oooh, Elizabeth– I love both of those quotes. Elisabeth Elliot has always been one of those spiritual giants I love to hear from. I have always loved her books. So glad you have stopped by!

      Reply
  3. elizabeth959803 says

    June 20, 2015 at 10:38 am

    Cynthia: absolutely, yes. Found you on For Every Mom (a favorite of mine). Your post here goes right along with two favorite mom quotes of mine: 1) “Do the next thing” (Elisabeth Elliot, may she rest in God’s glory); 2) “There is an art of leaving some things undone so that the greater thing can be done” (Jill Briscoe). Blessings to you from one mom of girls to another!

    Reply
    • happygostuckey says

      June 20, 2015 at 3:36 pm

      Oooh, Elizabeth– I love both of those quotes. Elisabeth Elliot has always been one of those spiritual giants I love to hear from. I have always loved her books. So glad you have stopped by!

      Reply

Leave a Reply Cancel reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Subscribe and receive a Free copy of “Simmer: Six soup recipes and the Stories that Inspired Them.”

Your personal information is safe and will never be shared.

Hey There!

I'm Cynthia and I'm so glad you're here. I am an introvert with an extrovert's love of gathering people together. I love good books and capturing moments. Whether you visit me here or on my own front porch, I'll be the one holding the Iced Coffee for us both.

Instagram

happygostuckey

Joy is the courage of people who don’t have all Joy is the courage of people who don’t have all the answers, yet.

While you sit in a season of waiting,
the calendar can often be a cruel companion, reminding you that days go by, weeks, months— with what feels like very little change in the right direction.

Perhaps you can easily assent to: 
“Hope deferred makes the heart sick,

but you strain to see just how it will be when: “...a longing fulfilled is a tree of life.” (Proverbs 13:12)

Wherever you and I are today— whether we wander, wait, stand firmly planted, or some pressed together combination of all three — we can take heart.

We are not alone.
And this will not be wasted.
What seems to be an unending blank space, an indefinite pause, is a space for new things.

Long before all is made right, and whether or not it all is tied up neatly with a perfectly crafted bow— we can know this:

We do not have to know the outcome to be faithful today.

✨Joy is not disregard for reality as much as it is obstinacy against despair.✨
Hi 👋🏻 I’m Cynthia and I’m a bit weary. T Hi 👋🏻 I’m Cynthia and I’m a bit weary. There. I said it. These days I’m gravitating to the true & the beautiful as rest for my weary self... and I wonder if you are too.

So much so, that I’m starting a new little offering, it’s called “The Feast: Wonder for the Weary” and the first issue goes out this weekend. It’s a bit more personal (okay this first one is WAY more personal. 🤭) It will be a little bit of everything, all with the goal of offering REST to both the feasters & foragers alike. If you’re already a subscriber— no need to do anything, if not— click through my bio to “keep in touch” and join the feast.✨
We are a people of both lament and praise. We hol We are a people of both lament and praise.

We hold questions without answers— yet we hold them in hands already full of good things.

We hold our daily bread, our daily gifts, and we hold the daily closeness of the God Who Sees.

The God who is no stranger to our lament, and Who Is the reason for our every hope.
He does not grow weary of our asking. Of our need to be told again, He will. 

You friend, are not invisible.
You are seen and cared for by the God who does all things well. (Even when they feel anything but.)
Married love ambition: making the kids roll their Married love ambition: making the kids roll their eyes at our “gushy-ness” as often as possible. 

President & CEO of the Lance Stuckey Fan Club— in every season, but especially on days like today.
Rainy day Mocha date, courtesy of our own toasty k Rainy day Mocha date, courtesy of our own toasty kitchen.😍🌧📚

On this chilly Saturday, we spent entirely too long browsing for books at our library and then all came home to a fire, mochas, and cocoa, respectively. Of all the things we do not know at this very moment, we know the gifts abound, and are worth counting.

PS, if you haven’t spread whipped cream on a foil-lined baking sheet to freeze, and then cut out cute shapes with cookie cutters to top your coffee or hot cocoa, may I suggest you get thee on that at once.
“If God sends us on strong paths, we are provide “If God sends us on strong paths, we are provided strong shoes.” — Corrie Ten Boom

✨File under, things to save in a fire.✨

The prayer journal pictured here contains six months of the hard & the sweet.
Six months of prayers asked & answered for ourselves and for others.
Six months of seeing through prayer, not how it changed our circumstances necessarily but how it changed us.

I always appreciate a record like this— being able to clearly see the paths we are led down, rocky though they may be? Priceless.

The ways God has come near us & drawn us to Himself again and again are written on these pages and I’ll treasure it forever.

Also pictured: Psalms Illuminated Scripture Journal. Highly recommend. Thank you always, @allifarnell
“The world is indeed full of peril, and in it th “The world is indeed full of peril, and in it there are many dark places; but still there is much that is fair, and though in all lands love is now mingled with grief, it grows perhaps the greater.”
J.R.R. Tolkien, The Fellowship of the Ring

While scrolling through my photos today, my heart was heavy to realize how far back “before” was.

Before masks and distancing, before loss, before other, more personal bits of hard. Multitudinous change, neither all bad nor all good.

With our free time, we’ve introduced our girls to Tolkien, Bilbo, Frodo, and especially Samwise the Brave. They are officially hooked and we are delighted to watch them discover another world where evil doesn’t win, and the courage of the small matters much. {they close their eyes at the Orcs and we haven’t had a nightmare yet!}🤞🏻😂😬
I’m leaning increasingly more into the analog th I’m leaning increasingly more into the analog these days.

It started with the Sourdough and a dozen different kinds of jam last year.
I suddenly find great calm in activities that stand in direction opposition to hurry, the textbook definition of ✨work in progress.✨ And really, if you could see the other side of this piece, you would believe me. 🙃

Thank you to @thebarmyfox for making embroidery so accessible!
@thenester says, “It doesn’t have to be perfec @thenester says, “It doesn’t have to be perfect to be beautiful,” and I believe that the weeknight meal equivalent is, “Just because it’s easy— doesn’t make it a second-tier supper!”

Thank you, Spaghetti with Meat sauce for being both a ministry to mom AND a crowd pleaser. Especially on a dreary January-ish day. It is ✨quite alright✨ to make something we’ve made a million times just because we know it makes the people happy.🍝
Load More... Follow on Instagram

Categories

Featured Posts

On Waiting & Moving

(And a Recipe for Italian Tortellini Soup) Later this month, our family will celebrate the 10th … [ Read More ]

Five Good Things

Hi. How are you, really? If you're anything like me-- you have moments of complete gratefulness for … [ Read More ]

Winter Favorites

(and why it matters to pay attention to the little things.) "For you are the sunshine-maker in … [ Read More ]

Loving Lately in November

"...all creation's revealing his majesty. We're invited to join with all nature in manifold witness … [ Read More ]

Feasting & Foraging (free for the weekend!) 🍊🌿

I wrote a book, called Feasting & Foraging, and I would like to tell you why. About a year … [ Read More ]

Miss Something?

Please be kind and give proper credit if you share! © Cynthia M. Stuckey. For personal use only, not to be copied, distributed, altered or sold.

Privacy Policy

Full privacy policy may be found HERE.

Want each post to magically appear in your email box?

Your personal information is safe and will never be shared.

Cynthia@happygostuckey.com
xo Cynthia
  • Start Here
  • Blog
  • Books
  • Table
  • Writing
  • Happy Designs
  • Connect

© 2021 · Pretty Creative WordPress Theme by, Pretty Darn Cute Design