HappyGoStuckey

Life, no matter how brief. (#Write31Days.)

October 15, 2014 by HappyGoStuckey 28 Comments

15/31

Sitting in that waiting room was perhaps the longest wait of my life. We were brand new in town and newly pregnant with our 2nd child. Well, we had been pregnant with our 2nd child. By the time I could get an available appointment as a new patient, I was quite certain we had lost the baby. This day was to confirm what I already knew in my heart.

20 minutes after checking in, a nurse called me aside to discuss the results of my test. Except it really wasn’t to the side at all, we were just off from the waiting room and her loud voice could surely be heard by just about everyone sitting nearby. She tossed her blonde hair over the shoulder of her scrubs and looked down at my chart,

“umm. just one thing.– you aren’t pregnant.” she said and looked up at me with this *brand new information.*

“Yes. I know I’m not. I’ve just had a miscarriage.” I said as quietly as possible. (This was my CHILD we were talking about so casually.)

“Uh, No hon. You’ve got a UTI. There were red-blood cells in your test.” She continued flippantly.

“No. I was pregnant and I’ve had a miscarriage. I do not have a UTI.” I said flatly and looked across the room at Lance who saw the need to rescue me and began to get up.

“Ok.” she said, “Well, either way– the Dr will see you when it’s your turn.” She gave me a false sympathetic glance and turned and walked away. I walked over and found the couch beneath me just before my legs gave out.

My sweet guy comforted me and we both rolled our eyes at the uncouth-ness of such a person. And then we had to wait again for a whole hour.

During which I nervously flipped through an old Good Housekeeping Magazine and tried to read an article about spring-cleaning your closet. The glossy, scented pages did nothing to distract me from the shouting thoughts in my head.

“Did I get it wrong? Was the test a false-positive? What about the 2nd test? The 3rd test? All false positives?”

I sat there in my grief which now had the added pressure of utter foolishness added on top.

“But wait? I KNOW I was pregnant. I had symptoms. I felt the loss when it happened?!!!”

By the time I entered the exam room of the kind man who would deliver our Abigail, I was in tears.

I told him what happened with the nurse and he frowned for a long time.

I told him I knew I had lost the baby– and frantically asked him to just please confirm that I had been pregnant. Just tell me the life WAS there. Please.

I had already dealt with losing a baby to miscarriage. I could not handle being told he or she was never there in the first place.

He did. He told me I had lost the baby right around when I thought and that my body was already beginning to heal.

He was kind and apologetic and told me I could try again.

And my smile through the tears came without warning.

Because it’s very difficult to celebrate life (even ever so brief) if we never acknowledge its’ presence.

Four years later, my heart is full to bursting with the love of two little girls– both given to us as gifts. But I still remember. I can’t not remember. I have to remember. Every now and then. Life is still life, no matter how short.

And we do the sanctity of life a huge disservice when we try to be BRAVE and gloss over and pretend we FOCUS on what we DO have all the time— and not ever really, truly– REMEMBER.

Because that child of ours– he exists. In heaven, with the One whose image he reflects. And he already knows things about my God that I have yet to see with my own eyes. And I will not forget. I will remember with absolute Joy and celebration– but I will not forget.

Away We Go Co. & a Giveaway! (#Write31Days)

October 14, 2014 by HappyGoStuckey 30 Comments

Day 14/31

Earlier this summer I sat in a dimly lit ballroom in Texas with a few new friends. We chatted, sipped decaf coffee and ate pie. The lights came up on stage and a video began telling the story of a young family who were church planters in Amsterdam. The screen filled with breathtaking photographs of a city half a world away– a city filled with so much culture and for many young girls, so much pain.

Chris and Cassandra Kuykendall of Away We Go Co. (formerly ckdesignmission,) came to the Declare Conference to share their mission and their artful design prints. Their mission is to share hope with the people of Amsterdam through church planting and cultural renewal, helping rescue young girls from the red light district. I sat there transfixed with their testimony and suddenly felt very small. Here stood this Mom & Dad, with two little girls just like mine– willing to take their babies clear across the world– to rescue someone else’s little girls. And here I struggled with much smaller forms of obedience.

Long after my cup of coffee was gone and the presentation was over, their story stuck with me. Their mission struck a chord with me and I wanted to help. I came home with two prints to hang in my own house hoping my small purchase would help out. God doesn’t call everyone to Amsterdam, but He most certainly calls us all to something. Sometimes we wonder what our obedience measures up to alongside someone so brave– but here’s the truth:

They need to be sent. And we can help. We can pray. We can give. We can follow their family’s story right down the streets of the city they love so much.

When we purchase one of their gorgeous prints, we cover our walls with an encouraging, tangible reminder of what we really can do to help. At the same time, our purchase provides a steady stream of support for their family and their mission.

I treasure the beautiful prints I bought at Declare this summer, and I hope that each time I pass them by, I think to pray for the Kuykendall’s and the people of Amsterdam. If you would like to purchase some of these prints for yourself (or a Christmas gift!) you can check them out here! You can order a print shipped to you in three different sizes, or can choose an instant printable option as well.

**** Guess what, friends?! The lovely owners of Away We Go Co. have offered a very generous giveaway of TWO 11×14 Prints to one HappyGoStuckey reader!!!

–The only thing YOU have to do to enter is to go HERE and sign up for their mailing updates (scroll down to the bottom left,) and then come back here and comment below to tell me you did.

— You can also earn bonus entries, if you share this giveaway on Facebook or become/ are a HappyGoStuckey follower (Leave one comment below for each entry.)

Giveaway will close one week from tomorrow, 10/22

Resources for Rest. (#Write31Days)

October 12, 2014 by HappyGoStuckey 1 Comment

Day 12/31

Rest is big topic. Something we all need and rarely experience until we are exhausted.

Rest takes planning. Whether you plan for a vacation, plan for leftovers night, plan for nothing to do on a saturday afternoon or just PLAN to do NOTHING. Rest rarely just happens accidentally– and if it does, there is usually a sickness involved.

But instead of talking about it, today I’m living it.

I scheduled this post so that I could take the day off and have a little blogging sabbath. I never blog on the weekends anyway, so this 31 day challenge has really stretched me in that area.

I would love to point you in the direction of some Resources for Rest though! (see links below.)

My sweet college roomie always wished me a cheery, “Rest Well!” when we would go to our separate rooms at night– and I always thought it was so caring and kind. I now say it to my own kiddos. <3

So today friends, I hope you “Rest, Well!”

Why Rest Takes Courage

When my Soul is truly at Rest

When Your Heart Needs a Little Rest

Why Slowing Down is Paramount if We’re Ever to be the Body

Teaching En Route.

October 11, 2014 by HappyGoStuckey 1 Comment

Day 11/ 31

They say the days are long but the years are short– and boy, do I agree– most of the time.

But every now and then the crazy-go-nuts 20 minutes before their bedtime happens in a flash and before we know it the white door with the pink sign closes on another day of parenting littles. We breathe in the total silence & an evening to recharge and sometimes my own silent wondering comes.

“Did we do it well today?”

“Did they see grace and mercy at all?”

“Do they know how much they are loved?”

Sometimes I think of those little heads on flowered pillowcases upstairs and wonder if they are half way to land with pink clouds– or stuck somewhere remembering the harder parts of the day. Wondering if in the last 12 hours since they popped out of bed– they got anything worth getting.

Often, in the heat of the “get it done” of the day– we are focused on the next thing and sometimes autopilot parenting is tempting.

But rather than worry that we really aren’t teaching them anything at all– take a moment to look at the big picture.

Mercy, especially given in difficult moments, is a tutorial on why we need it so badly.

Grace, when we ask our own kids for it– teaches them we too are absolutely human.

Love is a really good object lesson.

And just listening to them can be a full seminar of their worth and value.

So the next time you start to question if you are making a difference at all— and ESPECIALLY on the days that all of the learning happens on the go— be as gracious with yourself as you want to be with them.

And know that tomorrow is another day. Those little people forgive as wide as their chocolate-smeared smiles– and that’s beautiful.

Furthermore, remember that His mercies are new every morning. Not keeping a list of our wrongs, mis -steps, mistakes, and not quite good-enoughs, but gently pushing us on.

As He teaches us, our lives will continue to teach them. One love lesson at a time.

We must first live it in front of them, then we can lead them in it.

The best teachers are perpetual students anyway. And we absolutely need to keep learning.

Well Cared For (#Write31Days)

October 10, 2014 by HappyGoStuckey 1 Comment

Day 10/31

This time last year was one of the most beautiful times in the history of our family’s faith.

Lance lost his job and what could have been a horrible season of unrest and struggle– was completely the opposite.

It was not because the job was necessarily his forte, (though it wasn’t.)

It was not because we immediately had several offers on the table to choose from, (because we didn’t.)

It was not because we had a huge nest egg to draw from, (because we didn’t.)

We had been praying for over a year to see God’s hand of movement in the situation and we finally did; it still could have been very hard on our family, but it wasn’t.

It was all because God cared for us through His Church.

So many had been praying with us and now they saw this difficult but obvious answer to our prayers– and not even skipping a beat, they held us up.

One couple brought banana pudding less than 12 hours later, and delivered it with prayer and free hugs.

Another gifted our family with passes to the zoo and we all spent the day looking at giraffes and not talking about it.

I picked up Lucy from Preschool one day and an anonymous friend had paid her tuition for the next month.

We opened the mail almost daily to handwritten prayers, scriptures and Publix gift cards.

We traveled to visit family and friends and were endlessly loved on.

The love was tangible and the blessings were constantly arriving in text messages and voicemails.

And though it would seem that most of the gifts were things we could hold in our hands–

The true gift came in knowing that we were not forgotten, that God SAW us and was caring so tenderly for us.

And that made all the difference.

I say all of this with tears of gratefulness that one year later, I have just about forgotten the small amount of struggle– but I will never forget the feeling of being well cared for.

My prayer is that our family will always be used to be obedient care-givers of the body of Christ.

Even something small makes a big difference.

“A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another: just as I have loved you, you also are to love one another. By this all people will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another.” John 13: 34- 35

So Happy You Joined Us… (#Write31Days)

October 9, 2014 by HappyGoStuckey 3 Comments

Day 9/ 31

Before you came along the parents outnumbered the child, now we play man to man– although it usually feels like zone defense.

You are a firecracker. We have known that all along. You came out as mad as a little wet hen. Really, instead of mewling like a fresh kitten you bellowed loudly at your unpleasant eviction. Even my Doctor and all of the surgical team said, “Whoa! She’s mad!” We’ve found ourselves saying the very same thing several times since then. You are fiery alright. The good news is, this means you are PASSIONATE. You LOVE life. You hate to be missing something. Therefore carrying you upstairs for your nap time is like carrying a rabid porcupine. But as soon as you get upstairs, you snuggle into your little nest of blankets and request “Twinkle Twinkle..” Lately I’ve heard you singing to yourself after I leave, some crazy fun remix of the B-I-B-L-E. That’s you, crazy fun.

You love Cheese Sticks, Bananas and Applesauce– and get very excited to go outside. You love trying on your sister’s shoes and will tromp, tromp, tromp through the house until the 4- sizes-too-big-rain-boots bring you down to the floor in a fit of giggles. And then you get right up and try it again. You are persistent.

You took this slightly over-protective Mama and made me chill out, already. Why? Not because you are my play-it-safe girl– but because no matter what I DO, you’re still going to do things I didn’t anticipate. You scare me sometimes, kid. Remember this day?

What about this one?

Or this?

One thing is for certain, you are an individual. I really LOVE that.

Though sometimes it makes taking family photos difficult.

But you LOVE life. All of it.

And I just love watching you love life.

Because it reminds me to love life more. And that’s why I’m so happy you joined our family.

God knew exactly what we needed in the 4th member of “Us” and I’m so grateful it was you.

Say Something. (#Write31Days)

October 8, 2014 by HappyGoStuckey 3 Comments

Day 8/31

Thumper’s father was correct. If you cannot say something nice, you really shouldn’t say anything at all.

But, contrary to what I may have thought– life is not a Disney movie. Whether we are talking about the manners of adorable woodland creatures or the perfect hair of Rapunzel (who by the way had never had a trim in her life– think about that for a second–) LIFE just does not go that way.

And people are mean. They say rude things. Awkward things. Sometimes they feel awkward and because silence frightens them they say something– anything at all to fill the silence– and it comes out… and more than just being unhelpful, it’s plain mean.

With children, we are always trying to build them up. It is a quite a push and pull of building them up in love, helping them to see how wonderfully they were created and yet allowing them the benefit of humility. It’s quite a difficult dance, teaching them to love God and see how He loves them– and yet not raise little egocentric humans. Sometimes the last thing I need and want is to have the wrong people making deposits that might define their self-worth later on.

This week it was some random lady at the mall, she was helping us with something and in a moment of silence (which wasn’t all that awkward until she made it so–) looked down at my precious 5 year old and said, “WOW. You have some really big feet!”

Lucy and I both had our jaw dropping moment and then I tried to politely correct her by pointing out to Lucy that her feet were perfectly made for her body. But what I wanted to do? Picture a Mama Jaguar verbally pouncing on this errant woman who cluelessly just interjected something on my child that she’s NEVER before questioned about herself. Oh, I really wanted to put her in her place.

But the fact was and remains today, that my little Lu was still watching me to see how I would respond. And unfortunately, that will not be the last time someone “pins” something on her that doesn’t belong… I want her to have the peace of heart to let it slide right off.

More than that even, I pray she is so aware of who she really is with each coming day. Not that her skin is thick, but that her heart is gracious. Gracious with herself. Gracious with others who make mistakes. Grace all around.

People will be human and make bad choices, and the sad fact is sometimes they will affect our children. Even something little like that– it does leave a mark, though hopefully a small one. Because she remembers– she made mention of the size of her feet a few days later. And my heart squeezed when she did– because most of us carry around things that people pinned on us early on, and true or not– sometimes they stick around longer than they should. And she is not even close to middle school yet. Talk about things that make me nauseated.

But in the midst of it all– I know my role in this. Keep praying for her little heart. Keep pouring on the words of truth. Keep our home an environment of love and kind words as much as possible– which isn’t always easy with two sisters.

And every chance I have, I will fill her heart with words that matter. I will say to her how marvelously she was created.

And I thank God that He sifts through our shortcomings and makes beautiful things.