HappyGoStuckey

These Moments of Grace

June 15, 2014 by HappyGoStuckey 4 Comments

On the day you asked me that breathless question with shining eyes and a blue velvet box, I needed no time to think.

And on the day (Five years and 20 days ago to be exact-) you sat near my head, us both wearing paper shower caps and holding our breath as the Doctor pulled her out and up and she, pink faced and protesting like a kitten– miffed at her eviction from her warm nest, made parents out of a crazy in love couple– I knew I was glad I said yes.

Yes to you. Yes to our life. Yes to babies after only a year. Yes to forever.

And when we staggered with cups in front of the coffee pot, after precious little sleep– I was thankful to be leaning on you.

When I went back to work and you stayed home with a 9 week old bundle– to be a Daddy and look for work– I cried. Because I wasn’t there. But also so grateful you were.

When there was a miscarriage of hope before we even got used to the idea of being a family of four– you let me grieve. You loved our little family with outstretched arms and helped me see the hope that we would grow again some day soon.

When we packed up our whole life and moved two states away, we were all anxious to peek round the corner and see the beauty that was to be in the next chapter of our life together.

Transitions. We had many and you led us all to trust, and to wait.

Then the joy and the surprise and the beautiful wait came again… and another operating room. More paper shower caps for you and for me and another sweet baby girl, blessed with your cheek bones and silly- wonderful sense of humor.

You held both these babies so tenderly, both fresh to new life and still blinking at the light of it all. And you hold them now, and me- with the gracious, gentle love we have come to rest in, and sometimes take for granted.

They run, squealing from each corner of the house, when you come in each day. They trust you. They rest in you. They want to make you proud. And you listen. And you dance. And you play. You teach them what life more abundantly looks like.

And they are learning. Yes, learning how to ride a bike. Learning how to not scream in terror at every fly in their vicinity. Learning how to control their emotions and act with kindness toward one another. Learning what a family is. Learning God’s grace. His patience and love.

They are learning Love.

They know how precious they are to you. And so do I.

And all these moments, all these moments add up to many years and the years fly right by. We mark the years in birthday candles and anniversaries and “oh they need new shoes again.” And it all adds up to more joy than I ever thought possible.

It adds up to millions of moments of grace. There have been many defining moments of grace. Moments I never saw coming, or some that I might have. Moments that cause me to stop right in my tracks to Praise HIM for giving us each other. For giving us this life together. For giving us all you.

We are blessed with you as the leader and shepherd of our family. You as my husband. You as their daddy.

Today is Father’s Day. But YOU are OUR gift.

Messenger (FMF)

June 12, 2014 by HappyGoStuckey 9 Comments

Seven days without a reliable computer and internet connection and I feel less like a competent messenger than when I started this little mini-vacation a week ago.

I could tell you all the funny things that have happened, things like the scary (and possibly dangerous) pedicure during which I was subjected to an entire Jackie Chan movie at top volume. It was many things, but relaxing was not among them.

I could tell you how therapeutic it is to pick blueberries at 8:00AM in your parent’s backyard and then watch your mom make them into the same purple-studded muffins she made for you as a child, and then to watch your children devour them in the same way you did.

I could share the way my heart swelled to watch my flower-girl-five-year-old dance with her daddy at our sweet cousin’s wedding– and then how it broke a little knowing the same two would be dancing at her own wedding in less than 2 short decades.

I could tell you how I laughed until my very ribs felt about to crack in a Target parking lot with one best friend who fills my heart with pure, unadulterated joy. And also, how I then cried real tears as I drove away from another beautiful, lifelong best friend, knowing she would be holding her firstborn son next time I saw her.

But being as I only have five (ish) minutes I should cut to the chase.

I left home with a bag of books I needed and wanted to read and a short list of blog posts to write in my head- none of that happened. I left home with a loose agenda of what the week would hold and though most of it morphed into something different altogether, I return home tomorrow having been filled up, spilled out, hugged tight, loved well, listened long, and with a full heart.

God is good and His ways are not our own. Thank goodness for that. He knows what we need. He knows how He will use us to love, minister and care for those around us.

I hope my agenda dies a slow death each and every time He has a bigger plan for me to simply be a messenger of His love and GRACE.

Linking up with Five Minute Friday at Lisa Jo Baker’s!

5 Things I learned in May

June 2, 2014 by HappyGoStuckey 5 Comments

1. Way back in August, I learned that when your child finally goes to school, be it Preschool or Kindergarten or whatever, it’s tough. But this month, I learned that when they finish said year it is way harder. We started praying for Lucy’s teacher last spring when we registered her for Pre-K and we could not have been more blessed by the precious woman He provided. God did exceedingly abundantly above ALL that we asked or thought we wanted for her first year of school when he blessed her with such an amazing teacher, class and school.

HOWEVER, I was still a ridiculous wreck on her last day. Especially when we were driving up to car-line, and she said… “Mommy! Wait. Stick with me. I have a plan. Turn Here!” (directing me into the parking lot where parents park to walk their children in.) So I asked if she wanted me to walk with her and she said, “I NEED you to walk with me. I just need a little more time with you.” Sniff. Sob. Sad. As in, I wanted to climb into a ball and cry while I looked through every single one of her baby pictures. BUT. I put on my brave mommy face and we survived. Those of you who have kids who are capable of taking their own baths and stuff probably think I’m a nut. I’m willing to agree with you. But this is still how I feel about my children growing at such a breakneck pace:

2. Okay. I think I might have discovered a hidden fear of turtles. I’ve never known this to be an issue– until the other day. Both our girls are slightly very possibly extremely squeamish. They squeal every time we are outside when they see a fly, a dragonfly, a moth,–anything in the bug category. Heaven help us all when a bee flies by. Total pandemonium. Complete wailing and gnashing of teeth until the bee (or bug or fly or gnat) flies away and they are “safe.” Seriously, I don’t know where this came from. Except maybe I might a little. I’m not really afraid of bugs… but I can’t help but jump when they catch me off guard. Isn’t that normal??? Back to the turtles. My dear husband is on a never-ending quest to gently “toughen them up” a little– which makes good sense, because right now– let’s face it– they could not make it in the real world. Or even a Children’s Museum. So the other night the girls and I were inside, they were having dessert at the table and I was cleaning up from dinner. Lance comes in from outside with a LIVE TURTLE wrapped in a bath towel, (because it was muddy.) His aim, was to show me first, and have us all have this fun learning experience around our new reptilian friend. EXCEPT THAT HE DIDN’T WARN ME FIRST. So I’m cleaning the counters, hear the front door open and turn around and there he is. With a towel and ALL I CAN SEE IS THIS SLIMY SCALEY NECK POKING OUT FROM THE SHELL AT ME. I Jumped sky high. Literally, I ended up on the other side of the counter putting quick and considerable distance between myself and that thing. So naturally, that caused the girls to FLIP OUT. Even Abby’s hands were shaking like a leaf as she yelled, “GET IT OUTTTTTTT!!!!” So basically, I had an undiscovered fear of reptiles in shells… and it totally scarred my children for life. Lance, meanwhile was laughing so hard he couldn’t breathe because of the surprising way I was so startled. oops. Lesson lost on that one.

3. I learned afresh in May how much I wish I could be in two places at once. I love our home. I love where we live. I love that we aren’t as far from family as we used to be when we lived in Wake Forest. But, sometimes the distance still seems very far. One of my very best friends is about to give birth to her first baby within the next few weeks and there is nothing I want more than to just have to race across town to sit in a hospital waiting room while she labors. I would love nothing more than to be in the same town when that sweet baby boy enters this world. She and her husband are forever friends of ours. They were there the night Lucy was born, and even though all they saw was the waiting room, they sat with another sweet couple and waited, prayed and waited some more until Lance came out and told them “She was here!!!” Maybe I could figure out the whole Harry Potter-Apparition thing in the next couple weeks. It would be helpful for sure.

4. I learned that a plastic baby pool in the front yard is still as much fun as it was when “we” were little. On Memorial Day, we set up a little plastic pool from Wal-mart and a fun sprinkler and the girls had SO much fun. You would have thought we took them to a giant water park. Lance and I sat on our porch and watched them splash to their heart’s content and relished in the simple joy of it all.

5. I was reminded of the importance of making your home exactly WHERE you want to be with HOWEVER you can. I am one who loves to travel. I love the getaway, the different restaurants, the fun places– but I LOVE to come home. And I always like to “bring home” my favorite parts of a vacation. When we visited Disney last month, I was consistently amazed by how beautiful and magical everything ALWAYS was. Part of that reason, was lights. Lights everywhere– and the minute the sun went down, Disney became a completely different place because of all the lights. So, during May, we hung little white cafe lights (when I say, ‘we’ I mean my sweet husband lovingly spent a couple hours on a ladder.) on the ceiling of our front porch, creating an amazing atmosphere. It is now one of my top “happy places” in the world. So if it’s lights for you, go ahead. Hang them up! If it’s flowers, plant them! Whatever makes your home more of a haven from everything out there– create it! We purchased our lights from Target, but there are similar ones on Amazon here: 25 Foot Globe Patio String Lights – Set of 25 G40 Clear Bulbs with White Cord And for fun, our finished product– come join me for a glass of Tea sometime!

I am happy to link up with Emily Freeman over at Chatting at the Sky for Things I Learned in May

** This post contains affiliate links. Thank you for clicking!

Nothing to Change. (FMF)

May 29, 2014 by HappyGoStuckey 16 Comments

There is something about giving birth to daughters that brings one completely face to face with her own insecurities.

Not for comparison’s sake, but for the sake of the desperate hope that they will grow strong and know JUST how beautiful they really are.

Honest Confession. I’ve struggled on and off with self-less-than-love for most of my adult life. And definitely my young adult life. Ha–but if that 16 year old could see me now she would really appreciate those hips then. Actually, if she could see how full my heart is, she wouldn’t notice the fullness of my hips that grew a bit as our family did.

But now, I’m mama to two girls. And in less time than it took for the oldest to go from mewling newborn to Five-year-old sweet and sassy pants… I’m aware of things in my heart I don’t want them to see.

The struggle to see myself as my Creator has always seen me.

The desire to rest in the knowledge that I am loved with an everlasting love. Never giving up, never stopping, never dependent on ANYTHING.

The fight. The fight against the lies that condemn and point nagging fingers at all I’m not… or where I am a bit, too much.

What I want for them… FREEDOM.

Freedom from the years of teenage self-loathing. Escape from years of trying hard to blend in.

To just breathe. And be all that He has made them to be. And to look outside of the “maybe-not-enough” and deep into the eyes of someone else who needs a friend.

I cannot lead it to them if I am not living it today.

I would say again, as I have said before– deep into those pairs of eyes, two emerald green and two Carolina blue.

You are beautiful.

You are perfectly and wonderfully made.

And you were artfully designed and planned by a Creative God who makes no errors.

When He carved your inward parts deep into my own inward parts– we were both blessed with love and life and a reason to SING.

And there is NOTHING to change about either one of us.

So don’t try. Just be. Just be your beautiful self.

Linking up with my five-minute friday friends!

Speaking Love

May 28, 2014 by HappyGoStuckey 5 Comments

I saw her standing next to the milk.

Her little girl had chocolate brown eyes and animal cracker crumbs stuck to her sticky face.

I walked by, gave her a small smile and she ducked her head, apologetically making a funny comment about “having to open the cookies just to finish her shopping.”

I knew. I had been there yesterday.. except it was a hastily opened bag of goldfish and my little one was having a very loud “moment” until I distracted her with a snack.

I nodded my head and told her as much.

Immediately, I saw it on her face. Safety. She visibly relaxed and then went on to ask if she could ask me a question.

She did and we talked for a minute about babies and toddlers and how to try to just get them to eat-for-crying-out-loud.

I sensed something in her that I had felt in my own heart a hundred times so I spoke brave to this stranger/ fellow mama.

I said, “Hey you’re doing a good job. You’re just the mom she needs.”

Her eyes filled with tears and she said, “Thank you. Thank you very much. I’m trying.”

She walked away and I wondered if anyone was regularly encouraging her. Anyone in her corner? Telling her she’s a beautiful mom? Smiling at her with kindness?

I missed an amazing opportunity to try to connect with her more, but when I looked for her she was gone.

As I walked away I realized what an amazing gift you give someone when you just…. say something kind. Be a blessing. SEE THEM.

Because, we really never know. We never know what their life is like. What their heart is like.

And it goes far beyond kind words. It’s the Gospel that takes our kindness from self-help to actual words of Life.

Last September, we became intimately acquainted with the ministry of encouragement. Not because we were experts in encouraging others but because we needed a whole lot of encouragement.

And the most undeniably amazing thing we learned? God KNEW exactly what we needed to be encouraged. That’s the True Power of Encouragement. That no matter the form the encouragement comes in, God sees our hurts, our needs, our struggles and He KNOWS. He is Jehovah El Roi. The God who sees.

The God who sees. That puts a whole entirely new meaning and wonder to being encouraged. And to being the encourager.

He is All-Sovereign and All-knowing and He could have chosen a different way to make us, a different way for us to be made– but He did not.

He made us for community and for one another and for Him. We GET to encourage one another. WE GET to be the living love of Christ to others. WE GET to allow the light of the World to shine into and out of our dark places.

We are given the gift of being the Grace Gift to one another.

Linking up with these amazing ladies over here on the Power of Encouragement.

Close & Comfortable (FMF)

May 22, 2014 by HappyGoStuckey 7 Comments

I leaned in through the car door and helped buckle her in. For some reason the thought flashed through my mind that maybe soon she could probably learn to do this like most other 5 year old children.

If I didn’t know better.. she could have read my mind.

“Mommy? Having a Mommy is comfortable.” (Actually, she says it, Comfertasul– and gosh, is it so cute.)

“Comfortable? What do you mean?” I ask.

“Mommies are comfortable. They do things for you when your hands are small and you can’t do things as good.” She cheerily explained.

I smiled. Kissed her forehead and closed the door. As I walked around to my side of the car I thought about it. I want to be comforting, sure. But I don’t usually think about being “comfortable.” Maybe she meant comforting?

But she didn’t. She meant comfortable. She was struggling with the seatbelt when I opened the door, and then she looked up, saw me and sort of sighed and sat back. As if to say, “Oh good. you’re here. I don’t have to struggle anymore.”

She knew I was close, and I knew just what to do. Such trust. Such sweet FAITH. Such belief that I will do what I say I will do.

As for me? I need reminding that God will do what He says He will do. I need reminding of WHO He is. Not so my obstacles can magically disappear, leaving only ease and comfort in their place… but so that I give Glory to the One who is so worthy of my trust.

It’s humbling to have the faith and trust of a cherished tiny soul. It’s daunting when you know how extremely human you are. It’s exhausting when you just need a little “breathing room.” It’s just A LOT sometimes.

But in the leaning on HIM as they forever lean on us, we draw closer. Nor for comforts’ sake. But for closeness’ sake alone.

Draw Me Nearer, Lord.

Five Minute Friday

Photographic Torture. (In which Lucy keeps getting older.)

May 21, 2014 by HappyGoStuckey 1 Comment

I’ve been struggling with writing this week. Each time I prepare, I sit with my Iced coffee or water… and nothing.

Nothing comes out. Nothing. Hence the random post on quirkiness earlier this week.

Any guesses why? Well, basically, I have not the problem of nothing to say– but TOO MUCH to say.

There are so many milestones this week and they all have me introspective, grateful, weepy, and feeling slightly silly for all the emotions. Lucy finishes Preschool Friday. She turns 5 on Memorial Day, giving us a last-day-of-school/ 5th Birthday Celebration DOUBLE WHAMMY within 48 hours. OY with ALL the feelings.

I’ve literally tried to write a post “To her” or “about her” 7 or 8 times this week. And each time, nothing. Perhaps I’m trying to sum up every bit of joy and gladness she has brought us over the last five years. Actually, I know that’s it… each time I sit down to write, I find myself opening old folders with pictures from the day she was born, the day she first ate solids, first time she drank from a cup, her first halloween (she was a pumpkin and it swallowed her.) Etc. until I’m sitting there a weepy mess remembering each and every photographic detail of her life, musical montage style like I’m some crazy Steve Martin clone on the Father of the Bride movie.

Self- inflicted torture I tell you.

Pictures like this:

And these:

Alright I should really quit…

Hence the emotional exhaustion which normally would lead me with much to say. Instead all I want to do is go sit next to her and read books. Except that now she can read to me. (Stifled Sobs.)

Where on earth do all those days go that they snowball into FIVE short years? All those loads of little clothes. All those trips to Chick Fila. All those little people left scattered around. All those millions of hair bows. All those hugs given tightly and desperately.

Pictures really are worth a thousand words.. and then some. I look up at the first few shots and I can remember how tiny and snuggly she was in a fleece blanket sleeper. Every night for the first year of her life, I would hold her in my arms, feed her and then sing a few songs. Around 8 months old, she started gently clapping her little hands each time I would stop singing until I would begin again. I will always treasure those moments– and each night I held her until she fell asleep and I HAD to lay her down, not once did I worry that I was holding her too much or spoiling her. Others told me those days would fly right by. They were right.

These days are too.

I am so filled with gratefulness that God has entrusted her to us. She has been such a joy-bringer for us. A lesson-teacher– with her gentle spirit and kind words. A comedian with belly laughs and high-pitched squeals. From the very first– she has delighted us all.

We love you, Lucy Lu!