Where is the time going?
Yes, I realize it’s filled with diapers and feedings and laundry and diapers and feedings and cuddling and hugging and consoling and playing and diapers and more feedings and kisses and little baby coos and sounds and bright, melt-your-heart smiles. But seriously, where is the time going? I feel like the daily calendar pages are flying off at warp speed– forcing me to face the facts. I only have a few more weeks at home. August 3rd, that’s the day. Now, before I get all weepy and force you to either feel sorry for me or wish I would toughen up a bit, let me say that I have known this was coming and I am as okay with it as I can be expected to be. God gives grace and strength one day at a time. He has and He will.
Many of you that have been alongside us during this journey are aware that we have been praying and searching and waiting on the Lord’s timing concerning a job for Lance. We have always held firm to the knowledge that God will provide. God will provide. That’s what we told ourselves and told others when questioned. Well, it came to our realization a couple of months before Lu was born, that for the time being, He HAD provided (for the time being.) I have a wonderful job at SEBTS with amazing insurance, a great boss, and some of the best co-workers ever. When we realized the time was approaching to make a decision about our immediate future, Lance and I decided it was best for me to continue to work for a while until He is able to find a position. This was a terribly difficult decision for both of us. He and I would both love for me to be the one at home with Lucy– and hopefully, that will happen someday soon. But until then, this is where we are. I would appreciate your prayers for me as I go back to work soon and for Lance as he stays home to take care of our precious girl. We’ll make it and we will all be just fine.
Okay, now that I have all that stiff upper lip stuff out of the way, can I just say that I am aching at the thought at leaving her? Pure honesty. The past 6 weeks have flown by. I am loving every minute of being Lucy’s mom- I never knew how full my heart could be with love for my husband and daughter. Lance takes such amazing care of both of us and I’m convinced he is the best dad ever. There are few things as sweet as looking down at your sleeping child and seeing traces of the man you love all over her peaceful face. And the smell of her perfectly round head is nearly intoxicating. I am so grateful to be mother and wife to these two.
But I digress.
For the past month and a half, I have ignored the impending end of maternity leave in the very fashion of Miss Scarlett O’hara herself. “I’ll think about it tuh-morrahh.” And now that we are within the last few weeks, I cannot ignore it any longer. So, I have decided to admit that I am a bit clingy. Definitely struggling with putting her down during the day. I will admit that there are mornings when I just hold her and let her sleep in my arms for hours on end. Not because I don’t have “things to do” but because this is temporary, and no amount of scrubbing tile or folding laundry will I miss in a few weeks when I sit back at my desk, sifting through a thousand emails. Oh no. It’s her I will miss. It’s the mornings I will miss the most. But, all of that aside, we are really enjoying these last few weeks. Have I said how much I love being a mom? Or is that dead obvious from my sappy blog post?
Thank you all for your prayers and for sharing in this wonderful and crazy time as we await the Lord’s direction for our future. We so want to be in the next stage of life and serving in a church some where. Lance has been so diligent in sending countless resumes in every direction– but as frustrating as waiting can be– we know that we are right where God wants us today and in His perfect timing, He will move us. We are trying to live every day honoring Him with our confident trust in His faithfulness. He has always been faithful to provide and direct and we know He is today. And He will be tomorrow.
And now, a little something to make you smile–
Cindy,
As I read your post I felt as if I were back in time in Oct. of 2004! My heart then was the filled with the same emotions, feelings, desires, and heartache as yours! I was about to leave Katelyn into the best arms possible that I could without being with her myself, her daddy! There is no where else that I wanted her to be but it still wasn't the same as if I was going to be there continuing in those morning moments, sleep times, feedings, etc. Let me encourage you in saying that looking back now I wouldn't trade the time that Andy had with Katelyn in her first year of life. I saw him change as a husband and father–even better than he already was, it strengthened our marriage, and taught me lessons as a mom being away from my little one! Andy has a much closer bond with K because of that time together and because we were faithful in listening to the Lord and doing what He provided for us, He gave me the desires of my heart–NOW being able to stay home with our children! It will be tough–especially Aug. 3rd. There will be tears and moments of sadness throughout your days as you miss special moments at home. But rejoice that the Lord has provided in letting your husband be there in those moments and one day will grant you the desires of your heart! PRAYING FOR YOU!! If you need a friend to cry on, talk to, laugh with, or scream in frustration, let me know!
Ooh, sorry that was so long! 🙂
oh how sweet! I love reading how much you're enjoying being a mommy. we'll be praying God's hand will remain in your lives as you wait (Lance) and prepare to return (Cindy).
Cindy, I hate that you have to go back to work. 🙁 After Story was born, I went back after 8 weeks, but I only worked 2 days a week. It was only 2 days, but they were so hard! The first 2 months, I cried on my way to work those 2 days. Then it got a little bit easier. I cannot imagine having to go back full time. I'll pray for you! I am glad that Lu gets to stay at home with her daddy. He'll have a blast with her! 🙂