Today we conclude the series, Drowning in the Mess of Yes. I have been so honored to be sharing these posts over at the WOW Weekly Moment and with all of you. Thanks Jacqueline! 

Want to catch up? Week 1. Week 2.


The One Free Hand Principle.
A few years ago I found myself with an almost three year old and a newborn. I had my hands full. Literally. And I suppose it shouldn’t have come as such a surprise to me when each time, for the past few months, I waddled up to the Target check out line with Lucy in the cart and nearly busting with soon-to-arrive Abby out in front of me—- the associate would raise their eyebrows and say, “Ohh girl. You’re about to have your hands full.”

No, Silly person, I am not— I thought as I smiled and swiped my debit card. I have ONE child in the cart. And yes, I have ONE more child in my gargantuan belly. And yes, that equals two children. But you see, I have TWO hands. One for each of them. Piece of cake.

(Spoiler Alert- I was wrong.) Of course, I soon learned this uncharted territory was not at all about the principle of addition but instead the multiplication that comes from having children, plural. Much of this came from my sweet Lucy never having shared me with anyone before and always having BOTH my hands free to do what she needed. It was quite a juggle with a fussy newborn who always wanted to be held in those early days. And when I couldn’t quite do what she needed, I must have said something like, “OK hon, wait until Mommy has a free hand and then I’ll get you that snack.”

In typical adorable toddler fashion, Lucy started noticing when I did have one free hand and claiming it for herself. We would be walking out the door to the car and I’d have my arms totally slam- full of Abby and Abby-paraphernalia and as I reached to turn the knob or unlock the car door, Lucy would say— “Mommy? Can you carry my baby doll with your one free hand?” Her hands would then be empty of course and mine would be even more full, but being three she didn’t understand or care about anything but that she could fill my otherwise unengaged hand with something she wanted for me to carry for her.

But here’s the thing. We may not blame our toddlers for failing to notice how full our hands are, but adults can be guilty of the very same thing! Sometimes others will notice that you have “one free hand” or this margin that we seek and they will want to help you fill it. Your whitespace may be perfect opportunity for them to pile more on you and thus remove it from their own plate. To some, especially those who don’t see the need for margin, your brave ‘No’ seems foolish to them. It can seem selfish, and no matter how you say No— how graciously, helpfully, kindly—your ‘No’ still disappoints. But that is ok.

Can we all just agree to give each other permission to disappoint one another once in a while? When we truly understand that we are all just striving to seek Christ and bring Glory to God, there is little room to judge one another’s busyness or lack thereof.

 “Do not let the awkward disappointment keep you from the ‘best yes’ appointments with God. —Lysa Terkeurst

Do not be afraid to say no, unless God has given you a yes. This fear of what others will think— our fear of man looks a lot like overcommitment sometimes, but it’s often just plain idolatry. We cannot sacrifice those things we KNOW God has given us to do on the altar of what everyone else thinks we SHOULD be doing.

What should I do with my Margin?
So what do you do with that little window of time once you find it?

• Put on your own oxygen mask first! What is it that you need more of to be filled? Find what that is and be sure you make it a priority. I knew a wise Southern woman once who would get up early, stay in her room and spend time in the Word before any other human interaction. She said, “If I don’t talk to God first, I sure can’t talk to you!”
• Seek to determine what your “thing” is. That thing that feeds your soul creatively, painting, running, writing, baking, crafting, reading, or just sitting in quiet. Whatever that thing is, PAY ATTENTION to it. Don’t squelch it out, protesting a lack of time. Know that God created that thing in you. If it thrills you and opens you up to serve Him and others more, He has created you not to ignore that piece of your self. Do not feel selfish for taking time to embrace those things that God has created you to love. Those unique parts of you are what makes you different from everyone else.

The point of all of this life is that we live to love and glorify God. That we love Him and love others, and not spend our lives exhausted from trying to perform. All that we are able to do for Him and for others, needs to come from His strength filling us first.

When we are filled, we have something to give.
When we are dry and exhausted and empty, we have nothing to give. Whether it’s children, or coworkers who need to know Christ’s love, or that person you just passed who could use a little help— we need to be filled so that we can love from the overflow instead of scraping up just enough to get by.

Know this, friends. We are filled to be emptied again.
God gives us the gracious gift of weekends away, afternoons for ourselves, coffee dates, morning hours with Him, walks alone to refresh— He gives us all of that, knowing that it does not last forever— and that we need to be replenished by Him as we are poured out for others.

I have so enjoyed our time together these last few weeks. I will leave you with a quote from Tsh Oxenreider that I often read as a reminder of why all of this matters so very much.

 “A slower-paced life isn’t just a good idea, or hip, or wishful thinking. It’s essential if we want to have time to be the Body of Christ. If we want to put others first, like Jesus? Then we must. slow. down. It’s the only way we as a Body can survive, thrive, be who we are meant to be in this rapid, rapid world.”  –Tsh Oxenreider

Last week, we looked at our need for margin and rest and the problem with a packed to the very edge schedule. When we first look at Scripture in Genesis 1, we see the example God gives of us of both working and resting well.

Even with the Father’s first lesson in rest— it is often difficult to come by. Very few people, regardless of life stage— find themselves without the need for MORE TIME. Last week, we finished with a challenge to ask God to take our schedules and mold them into His will for us. Let’s take a closer look at a few practical and spiritual principles for that mindset.

“The plans of the heart belong to man, but the answer of the tongue is from the Lord. All the ways of a man are pure in his own eyes, but the Lord weighs the spirit. Commit your work to the Lord, and your plans will be established.” Proverbs 16:1-3

Friends? As women, we have a real propensity to feel the need to do everything.
To do it all. To be all things to all people. We often feel that if we aren’t constantly, poured out, used up and coming up empty at the end of the day, we feel guilty. As though we aren’t living a life that is sacrificial.

But here’s the thing.

Our days can be FULL of things that we put there and not those things that God has put there. As we seek to serve our families and our jobs, every little thing we do MUST be committed to God. Everything must be checked with Him. He weighs our hearts. He knows our motives.

For a long time, I was someone who said yes far more than I said no. I have had a real problem in the past allowing myself to be held hostage to the GOOD things that I thought I should be doing; not even necessarily things God has asked me to do, but things I thought others thought I should be doing. In some cases they even were things that other people thought I should be doing, but not things that God put upon my heart to be involved in.

We make a lot of dangerous assumptions when we think that because we can do something, we should always be the one to do it. God gives us gifts for a reason, and they should not be wasted. But not every season is for every thing. It is good that our lives ebb and flow through seasons of involvement. If we are checking with Him before we give an automatic yes to someone, we will find that He may very often be saying no. And that no, when it comes from a God who protects and plans for us? It’s liberating! There is FREEDOM when God Dictates my schedule. There is exhaustion and anxiety when we live under a regime of trying to keep up.

Five questions to ask as we consider what needs to be subtracted:
1. What is causing a deficit in my life? What is forcing a shortage of time and energy?
2. What is keeping me from having the needed whitespace around my day?
3. What is draining me mentally, emotionally, spiritually?
4. In what areas do I need more firm boundaries?
5. And one that I believe is most important, What is my greatest area of contribution? Carefully consider this last one when picking something new up.

Five questions to ask to consider what needs to be infused into our lives for proper balance:
1. Am I getting enough rest?
2. Alternatively, am I sleeping too much? How could I utilize that extra time?
3. Do I need to delegate more responsibilities?
4. Can I make a few choices of convenience once in a while to maximize my time and better serve my family?
5. What are a few daily rhythms I can adopt to promote rest?

Friends, I know this is such a battle. The issue of time and how to spend it wisely is so very elusive to many of us. But because we know that it matters to God, it must also matter to us.

The following quote from Emily P. Freeman is one that I love and think on often—

“Saying yes to rest means saying no to good things. But taking regular time off is not a punishment or a dare or a rule. It’s a gift. It’s taking a day to open your hands toward heaven and acknowledging that you don’t make the world go around.” Emily P. Freeman

I am excited to be sharing these words over at the WOW Weekly Moment this week. Hope to see you back next week for the third and final segment of Drowning in the Mess of Yes.

**I am excited to be featured at the WOW Weekly Moment this week sharing the first of three posts in a series, Drowning in the Mess of Yes.** 

There have been times in my life when I would have loved to have the flu. Yes, you read that correctly.

Once or twice I have found myself so busy, so overwhelmed, so just plain tired of tired— that I would have nearly enjoyed an illness just so that I might spend a day or two in bed, with my pajamas and a book. Now of course no one really wants to be sick, even if it means peace and quiet. But I am certain we can all agree that we often do not realize how badly we need rest until we are completely maxed out, worn out, and stressed out. Our edges frazzle and fray until we feel the unraveling in every area of life. And, often it does take a season of sickness or utter exhaustion to really get our attention.

But how do we get this way?

Many of the responsibilities we have are necessary. The people we serve need that service. We have commitments we cannot easily get out of. Much of what we do seems good and right and God-honoring. And after all, if we have these gifts— should we not we be using them? Often we think it righteous to be completely exhausted as long as we are completed exhausted serving God.

How do we go from being involved in good things to being 100% overwhelmed?

Scripture is clear that God does not call us to a life of ease, to be on a perpetual spiritual vacation— only doing those things which are easy and require little sacrifice. But many of us have one particular problem and it is not a lack of sacrifice, but instead the inability to say “NO.”

When we choose to say “yes,” to every single good thing anyone offers us, we often miss out on God’s best REST. All of these good things can sometimes add up to being overwhelmed and unable to absorb any outside bumps. This leads to not enough rest, not enough soul time, not enough margin. This is a problem.

In elementary school when we learned to write, our teachers often said, “Skip Lines.” That space between the lines and the margins on the paper gave them space to correct, adjust, and make changes.

Friend, this is what our God wants from us. Room to breathe so we are free to hear Him speak. Room that God can use to move in us. Room to adjust our day to suit His purposes. Margin to insert the things into our days and weeks that HE would have us do. Things He would have us be available for. We often may miss divine appointments and the needs of others, because we are just too distracted with ourselves and our schedule.

When we live our lives from the top of one page to the very bottom of it— with no white space, no breathing room, no margin—- we miss out on the rest that strengthens us.

This rest that saves us, the rest that strengthens us to continue, is something that God knows we need so desperately. He created us with humanity woven into our deepest parts, and that humanity cries out for His rest and refreshing.

Are there things in your life you know should not be there? Are there commitments which God did not call you to but that you assumed for yourself? Are there elements of your life that are constructed in such a way that leave no room for God to work? May I encourage us both to do one simple thing this week?

Ask Him.

Open your schedule before Him and ask Him what should be removed or adjusted to make room for Him to be the schedule maker.

When He is the schedule-maker and we check every new commitment with Him first, we will find that His plans are better.

We will find not that everything will go according to plan; but that the God who truly has planned our future and orders all our tomorrows will have His rightful place in our lives.

“For I know the plans I have for you, declares the LORD, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.” —Jeremiah 29:11

Next Monday— Addition & Subtraction: Making Adjustments to Create Space