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Happy Go Stuckey

Tethering Grace & Togetherness

Lessons from an Old Calendar

March 12, 2014 by HappyGoStuckey 9 Comments

Sometimes in the midst of raising a child that is a bit… strong willed, I lose sight of the countless moments of joy and beauty we’ve had in the last two years with her. Frankly, I often forget in the living day to day. I forget that every moment of stubbornness, every fit pitched, every smile, every huge belly-laugh– they are all, each one, my prayers being answered.           

Because we weren’t always sure we would have her and then we weren’t sure we would get to keep her…

This week while cleaning and organizing, I found an old calendar from 2011, more than two years ago. As I paged through the days and months, I saw written evidence of the journey. The journey that ultimately brought us to a delivery room on February, 9, 2012… And brings us still to today. And tomorrow.

But because I’m taking strides against hanging on to pieces of paper I do not really need, these are my stones of remembrance. This is my account of just one of the great things that God has done that fill us with joy. 

***

February 2011- Lab Work. Followed by each day with a written temperature at the top.. BBT’s. If you have struggled with getting pregnant, or experienced miscarriage.. you’re familiar with these.  After we lost a baby the previous fall, my doctor determined that my problem was not getting pregnant, but staying pregnant.. So he recommended a few months of taking temperatures. And of course, this was a small price to pay– so I faithfully did it.

March- More BBT’s and we moved into our house that we now call home. 

April- More BBT’s and I began doing the 30-Day Shred Workout (P.S. If you’re trying to have a baby– one sure way is to start an exercise program. Ha! It’s happened to me with both my girls!)

May- More BBT’s. Negative test. 

June- Two Negatives and then one week later, a positive. More Labwork. Labwork results: good.

Late June- Ultrasound reveals very low heartbeat. (After my recent miscarriage and these current ultrasound results, I was given two weeks and then told to come back. I remember the concern in that sweet older man’s face when he wrote me a prescription for progesterone, put his hand on mine, and looked into my eyes and said, “We’re going to do all that we can. If nothing happens in the next few weeks come back and we will do another ultrasound.” Hopeful enough, but not hopeful enough to give me a due date. 

Two weeks. Two whole weeks of waiting, wondering, WORRYING. Every morning, I woke up expecting to feel crampy. I kept waiting. Dreading. And amidst it all, trying to just enjoy those moments I had with a baby I knew might not stay. It was quite possibly the longest two weeks of my life.

That week I wrote a few lines in my journal. I wrote to help myself feel better. To memorialize those days of waiting. Lines that affirmed that I knew my baby had a heartbeat, (though low and slow) and therefore was alive. I knew she was loved more than any baby could be loved and that her life was in God’s competent hands.  I wrote,

“My heart wants so much to see you, years from now–sitting next to your sister on our front porch swing. But right now, I just desperately want to be able to hold you. I know that you will be held either by me or your God– but I’m selfish and I want to hold you for myself and first. But you should know that either way, He came and conquered death and made it something not to fear. And we don’t. But my heart still grieves a little just thinking on it. Whether we see you in 7 months, safe and warm in a soft blanket– or we see you years from now… you are loved and you are ours.” 

Whoa. Heavy. But that was my heart. And after losing one baby and never once seeing it coming, I was bent on over-preparing myself to lose this sweet one.

But we didn’t. We went back two weeks later and her heart rate was perfect. She had grown considerably and everything looked to be just right. By the end of July, I celebrated my 29th birthday by feeling very pukey and looking very green with nausea. There could have been no better birthday present that year. Feeling sick and having a baby that was growing healthy was such a gift.

September, 2011- First Kicks!!! 

Late September- She’s a girl!! Abigail Grace Stuckey will be born February, 2012!!!

I’ve never doubted once that God not only answered our prayers, but that He had a plan for her all along. For many, the story did not end this way– and it grieves me to think of the mama who reads this and is still waiting. Or has given up. I do not even begin to think I know how you feel or that our situations are very similar. But I do know this, I believe that even though He answered our prayers in the way that we hoped, I know HE would have sustained us either way. Even in the difficulty. But this is only one small part of our story. We do not know the future, but whenever it becomes uncertain, I want to choose to LOOK BACK and see His past Faithfulness to us.

She is one of these. She has brought us so much joy and plenty of exhaustion along the way, but this morning when I stood behind her at the kitchen sink and tried to wash bits of dried banana from between her still-babylike fingers, it struck me.

We are living surrounded by these moments of grace.

These moments that testify that our God hears and answers prayers. And even if He hadn’t,  my hope and prayer is that we would still trust Him and be thankful. There is always, always, always something to be thankful for. But being that He did answer our prayers and bless us with not, one but two healthy kids– I don’t want to waste one moment not being aware of these evidences of HIS LOVE for us.

***Can I challenge you to look back? LOOK BACK at your last few years, look back at a journal, a calendar, a Facebook wall– and SEE and REMEMBER how He has ANSWERED, SUSTAINED, UPHELD. He is Good. All the time. 

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Tuesday Favorites & A chance to do something BIG from your kitchen!!
Crowd (FMF)

Comments

  1. Courtney Sexton says

    March 12, 2014 at 4:40 pm

    I love this post. And join with you in thankfulness for sweet Abby.

    Reply
  2. Meredith Bernard says

    March 12, 2014 at 6:44 pm

    I love these words from your past and your present and your future today. What a beautiful story of grace. We do serve a loving God and I’m so thankful you were blessed with this little girl. I can’t imagine the pain of losing a child or never getting one after wanting one so badly. I love your heart and your cry that even if you hadn’t gotten to hold your baby first, you would still Praise God in the storm. That’s a cry of my own for when the time arises. Knowing my life is not my own and I have no control over it. Oh, that when the storms come I will remember He is STILL Good. Blessings today. Now go get that sweet one’s hair clean. I see something similar in my three-year old’s hair as well… 😉

    Reply
    • happygostuckey says

      March 12, 2014 at 7:03 pm

      Thank you, Meredith. It’s so hard to let go and still hold on, isn’t it? Thank you for your kind words.

      Reply
  3. rachelinraleigh says

    March 12, 2014 at 7:16 pm

    precious. precious Jesus. precious you. precious grace. precious girls.

    Reply
  4. Mom- Linda Blythe says

    March 12, 2014 at 10:52 pm

    Words don’t give credit to the feelings of thankfulness and humble praise to THE ONE who gives life, and hope, and strength, and mercy from a perfect heart of love. I love this post. I love that you are my sweet daughter. I love that little Abby is my sweet granddaughter. Gifts of love from our Father above.

    Reply
  5. Women of Warren says

    March 14, 2014 at 3:04 am

    Hey! I’d love to talk with you about doing some writing for Women’s Ministry and/or being a guest post writer on my blog sometime.

    Jacqueline [cid:D052B863-B122-4620-9141-22848240D438@hsd1.ga.comcast.net.]

    Reply
    • happygostuckey says

      March 15, 2014 at 12:35 am

      I would LOVE to Jacqueline! Thank you for thinking of me!

      Reply
  6. Elaine says

    March 18, 2014 at 2:54 am

    Love this. I remember you attended my baby shower that year and told me you were pregnant again. Not sure if you knew….in the same month that you felt her kicking, my miracle baby was born. It was a 3 year struggle for me to get pregnant…and stay pregnant. Our stories are almost identical. Also, the other day I was flipping through a past Bible study from 2011 and it was such a blessing to see God’s faithfulness.

    Reply
    • happygostuckey says

      March 18, 2014 at 8:30 pm

      Oh, Elaine. I DO remember. And I’m glad we can share this memory. Sweet Ethan– He will always know how much his parents prayed and waited for him! Love you!

      Reply

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I'm Cynthia and I'm so glad you're here. I am an introvert with an extrovert's love of gathering people together. I love good books and capturing moments. Whether you visit me here or on my own front porch, I'll be the one holding the Iced Coffee for us both.

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Joy is the courage of people who don’t have all Joy is the courage of people who don’t have all the answers, yet.

While you sit in a season of waiting,
the calendar can often be a cruel companion, reminding you that days go by, weeks, months— with what feels like very little change in the right direction.

Perhaps you can easily assent to: 
“Hope deferred makes the heart sick,

but you strain to see just how it will be when: “...a longing fulfilled is a tree of life.” (Proverbs 13:12)

Wherever you and I are today— whether we wander, wait, stand firmly planted, or some pressed together combination of all three — we can take heart.

We are not alone.
And this will not be wasted.
What seems to be an unending blank space, an indefinite pause, is a space for new things.

Long before all is made right, and whether or not it all is tied up neatly with a perfectly crafted bow— we can know this:

We do not have to know the outcome to be faithful today.

✨Joy is not disregard for reality as much as it is obstinacy against despair.✨
Hi 👋🏻 I’m Cynthia and I’m a bit weary. T Hi 👋🏻 I’m Cynthia and I’m a bit weary. There. I said it. These days I’m gravitating to the true & the beautiful as rest for my weary self... and I wonder if you are too.

So much so, that I’m starting a new little offering, it’s called “The Feast: Wonder for the Weary” and the first issue goes out this weekend. It’s a bit more personal (okay this first one is WAY more personal. 🤭) It will be a little bit of everything, all with the goal of offering REST to both the feasters & foragers alike. If you’re already a subscriber— no need to do anything, if not— click through my bio to “keep in touch” and join the feast.✨
We are a people of both lament and praise. We hol We are a people of both lament and praise.

We hold questions without answers— yet we hold them in hands already full of good things.

We hold our daily bread, our daily gifts, and we hold the daily closeness of the God Who Sees.

The God who is no stranger to our lament, and Who Is the reason for our every hope.
He does not grow weary of our asking. Of our need to be told again, He will. 

You friend, are not invisible.
You are seen and cared for by the God who does all things well. (Even when they feel anything but.)
Married love ambition: making the kids roll their Married love ambition: making the kids roll their eyes at our “gushy-ness” as often as possible. 

President & CEO of the Lance Stuckey Fan Club— in every season, but especially on days like today.
Rainy day Mocha date, courtesy of our own toasty k Rainy day Mocha date, courtesy of our own toasty kitchen.😍🌧📚

On this chilly Saturday, we spent entirely too long browsing for books at our library and then all came home to a fire, mochas, and cocoa, respectively. Of all the things we do not know at this very moment, we know the gifts abound, and are worth counting.

PS, if you haven’t spread whipped cream on a foil-lined baking sheet to freeze, and then cut out cute shapes with cookie cutters to top your coffee or hot cocoa, may I suggest you get thee on that at once.
“If God sends us on strong paths, we are provide “If God sends us on strong paths, we are provided strong shoes.” — Corrie Ten Boom

✨File under, things to save in a fire.✨

The prayer journal pictured here contains six months of the hard & the sweet.
Six months of prayers asked & answered for ourselves and for others.
Six months of seeing through prayer, not how it changed our circumstances necessarily but how it changed us.

I always appreciate a record like this— being able to clearly see the paths we are led down, rocky though they may be? Priceless.

The ways God has come near us & drawn us to Himself again and again are written on these pages and I’ll treasure it forever.

Also pictured: Psalms Illuminated Scripture Journal. Highly recommend. Thank you always, @allifarnell
“The world is indeed full of peril, and in it th “The world is indeed full of peril, and in it there are many dark places; but still there is much that is fair, and though in all lands love is now mingled with grief, it grows perhaps the greater.”
J.R.R. Tolkien, The Fellowship of the Ring

While scrolling through my photos today, my heart was heavy to realize how far back “before” was.

Before masks and distancing, before loss, before other, more personal bits of hard. Multitudinous change, neither all bad nor all good.

With our free time, we’ve introduced our girls to Tolkien, Bilbo, Frodo, and especially Samwise the Brave. They are officially hooked and we are delighted to watch them discover another world where evil doesn’t win, and the courage of the small matters much. {they close their eyes at the Orcs and we haven’t had a nightmare yet!}🤞🏻😂😬
I’m leaning increasingly more into the analog th I’m leaning increasingly more into the analog these days.

It started with the Sourdough and a dozen different kinds of jam last year.
I suddenly find great calm in activities that stand in direction opposition to hurry, the textbook definition of ✨work in progress.✨ And really, if you could see the other side of this piece, you would believe me. 🙃

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