I have this little 2 year old. She has shining blue eyes and a little bob that bounces into ringlets in the back.
She loves cheese sticks and blueberries… and drinking out of a cup that is not her own.
She loves life. She’s passionate. She’s the one with a belly-laugh that she cannot control if you tickle her underarms.
But when you want (or need) something she has… she’s not having it. Her sweet little hands go 100% white-knuckled if you try to get her to relinquish something she wants. She holds on with all her might. She gets down on the ground and hides whatever it is in both her arms and shakes her head fiercely. You might say she has a little stubborn streak. Some days the streak is broad like paint on the side of a barn.
After parenting her older sister, I am often completely bewildered at how to handle Stuckey Girl #2. I often find myself taking time outs and praying for something, anything, a little shred of wisdom at how to encourage her passion for life without her wholehearted disobedience. But I find myself falling even more in love with being her mother with every mini-meltdown. Because she is me.
I hold on to my dreams. I tight-fistedly grasp for my ideals of what my future holds. I get down on the floor of my heart and (gulp.) sometimes refuse to step out in complete freeing obedience. I choose fear and the mental fetal position and sleepless nights wrought with stress over the future that I just. cannot. fathom.
But God is gracious. And when I release those things I THINK I MUST hold on to– He gives the gift of His will and His best, played out in a way I never could orchestrate.
His story for me is the only story I ever want. The only story I ever want to tell. His plans are higher. He is El-Roi. The God who sees. And HE SEES ME in my smallness. In my fear. And He LOVES me enough to NOT let me wallow. He loves me enough not to leave me on the floor with arms wrapped tightly around fear, insecurity, anxiety. And I will choose to release whatever I’m holding on to every day if I have to.
For it is with EMPTY hands that we are OPEN and AVAILABLE and ready to be used.
Don’t you love our mini-me -s! We see so much of ourselves, the good, the bad, the ugly. And we know, without a doubt that there is hope!
;=}
You so beautifully put to words the struggle that we all feel when we must step off the throne of our kingdom. I love the way you said this: “I choose fear and the mental fetal position and sleepless nights wrought with stress over the future that I just. cannot. fathom.” I’ve been there and am so grateful for HIs Grace when I won’t let go. Great job with this post! #fmf
I have some mini-me’s in each of my kids and it makes me love my mom even more for all she put up with! 🙂 Thanks for sharing…I love this story!
Hi Cynthia! I’m so glad to discover you and your blog– I find myself wishing we could have a park date and chat while our crazy two-year-olds took over the playground. Thanks so much for sharing so honestly tonight.
I love the description of your little one…and how well it parallels with how we (both you and I!) tend to hold onto OUR dreams, rather than fully embracing HIS dreams. I pray we can both release ourselves and embrace Him more and more.
I’m certain we are raising similar little fierce souled girls…and no doubt, mine is a complete “mini-me.” What a blessing…and what a challenge. 😉 This one thing you said speaks loudly to me, “His story for me is the only story I ever want.” That is my hearts cry, too, Cynthia. Blessings to you today…we will mother these little fireballs on together. 😉 xoxo
Beautifully said… And a powerful analogy. Love to see how God uses the everyday day to reveal Himself to us. I am benefitting today from your honesty and humility. God is working through you, my Friend! Don’t lose heart… Go on with His peace and joy wrapping you in a hug. You are right where He wants you to be.
Amen! Beautiful Cynthia. I know this – “I hold on to my dreams. I tight-fistedly grasp for my ideals of what my future holds.” well.
Amen, amen.
I totally understand the white-knuckled grip on my dreams, my way, my plans. I love that God takes our fingers and pries them apart one by one to hold onto Him instead. It is so beautiful when we relinquish the control to Him because He knows every little part of our story and He still wants to be in our lives. Blessings and happy weekend! Mary
We always get a mini-me…and I agree this is a challenge. I love your picture of release with hands empty! I think it is when God can do his greatest work in us. Dropping in from FMF and wishing you a wonderful day!