I have this little 2 year old. She has shining blue eyes and a little bob that bounces into ringlets in the back.
She loves cheese sticks and blueberries… and drinking out of a cup that is not her own.
She loves life. She’s passionate. She’s the one with a belly-laugh that she cannot control if you tickle her underarms.
But when you want (or need) something she has… she’s not having it. Her sweet little hands go 100% white-knuckled if you try to get her to relinquish something she wants. She holds on with all her might. She gets down on the ground and hides whatever it is in both her arms and shakes her head fiercely. You might say she has a little stubborn streak. Some days the streak is broad like paint on the side of a barn.
After parenting her older sister, I am often completely bewildered at how to handle Stuckey Girl #2. I often find myself taking time outs and praying for something, anything, a little shred of wisdom at how to encourage her passion for life without her wholehearted disobedience. But I find myself falling even more in love with being her mother with every mini-meltdown. Because she is me.
I hold on to my dreams. I tight-fistedly grasp for my ideals of what my future holds. I get down on the floor of my heart and (gulp.) sometimes refuse to step out in complete freeing obedience. I choose fear and the mental fetal position and sleepless nights wrought with stress over the future that I just. cannot. fathom.
But God is gracious. And when I release those things I THINK I MUST hold on to– He gives the gift of His will and His best, played out in a way I never could orchestrate.
His story for me is the only story I ever want. The only story I ever want to tell. His plans are higher. He is El-Roi. The God who sees. And HE SEES ME in my smallness. In my fear. And He LOVES me enough to NOT let me wallow. He loves me enough not to leave me on the floor with arms wrapped tightly around fear, insecurity, anxiety. And I will choose to release whatever I’m holding on to every day if I have to.
For it is with EMPTY hands that we are OPEN and AVAILABLE and ready to be used.